rimrunner

So, I thought about a lot of different things I could write about this year's SMF. I could give you a blow by blow account of it, except that that's kind of boring even if you were there, and I haven't even finished writing it all out in my journal yet. Too much other stuff to do, including going right back to work the day after, where in previous years I've had time to sit at home and write about it. Longhand. In pen, even.

And then I thought about writing about how it made me feel, because this was my most emotionally tumultuous festival ever. More than my Persephone year, or my Aphrodite year. I lost track of the number of full-on tear-drenched catharses after the fifth or sixth, no fooling. People kept asking if I was all right. And I was, eventually.

And since then, I've felt joy, sadness, contentment, grief, peace, anger, and disappointment (mainly with myself) all mixed together.

Mostly, though, I've felt gratitude. That, as HS said (quoting yours truly, if you please), we are here, and alive, and among friends. And that the journey is by no means over.

So:

Thank you to scripting collaborators, past, present, and future: to Miss Leah, and RayRay, to TJ and HS, and all the others who made suggestions, gave constructive criticism, and shared your ideas.

Thank you to this year's festival cast, one of the best collectively that I've worked with in the ten or so years I've done this. There was not a weak performance in the lot. Thank you for finding the meaning in our script. Thank you for finding meanings in it we never intended—at least not consciously. Thank you for rocking it.

Thank you especially to HS, our intrepid director, who had to deal with more than he ever could have expected when he signed on. As he said to me, with regard to the role he cast me in: I feel bad for what you went through, but I had every confidence you could handle it. Good thing both of us were right.

Thank you to the spiritual directors, den mommy, TECH CREW, and festival staff. Everything went, from my perspective, reasonably smoothly; hitches and hiccups were handled with grace and adaptability. That's how it should be.

Thank you to RR and Mrs. P, who were there when I needed them most. Dying is easy; getting up again afterward is hard.

Thank you to everyone who came, seekers, initiates, the curious, the perplexed. I hope we made it worth your while.

Thank you to the Big Four and those who carried them: Carolyn, Miss Erin, RR, and BB. Thank you for your gifts, and the gifts of your gods. Thank you for making the decoupling from the role I carried easier, and for making it easier to send the Hierophant to her rest.

Thank you to the Hierophant, the teacher, the illuminator of the sacred, the preparer of the initiates. Thank you for your service; and for your sacrifice. I know your journey is not over and I will do my part to see you safely to its next phase. After all the gods I have been, it was a mortal who touched me most deeply. Thank you.

Thank you to all the friends who supported me, the revelers who interrupted their revel for my sake, the expressions of concern and healing. Because of that, I was able to keep my emotional and spiritual crises in a time and place meant to hold them, and not bring them home as I have in years past. (Mr. Darcy thanks all of you, too.)

Thank you to Mr. Darcy, for understanding.

Thank you to Green Star Grove, my former coven, and to the Sylvan Tradition, for teaching me what I needed to know. Thank you to Melanie, my former high priestess and (still!) good friend, for reminding me that initiation is about crisis and it's okay to cry about it. As it is written, so mote it be.

Thank you to the ATC, for creating this festival, for sustaining it, and for supporting it through the years. And thank you also for confirming the decision I first made several months ago. It's been a good run. And now it's time to go.

Thank you to all those who have expressed interest in Wild Gods, Orebasia, the podcasts, and other future projects. Thanks again to RR, friend, unindicted co-conspirator, and priest. And thanks once more to Mr. Darcy for the kick in the ass I needed to get this next phase going.

Peace.