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progress report
Mar. 26th, 2013 10:42 pmYeah, haven't posted these for some days. Here's today's:
Packet number: 3
Annotation number: 5
Annotation status: outline
Reading number: -
Reading status: -
Story: hot mess
Story status: revision
Words: 632
It's a strange week. Last weekend Orebasia and Green Star Grove had a joint Dionysus ritual, which went really well. My former HPS and I co-ran it and that was really fun. The ritual was fun too, though it was so cold that my core temperature dropped while we were outside (but I can attest that Snuggies make excellent ritual robes in a pinch). Fortunately, the Grovestead features a sauna. Mmm, sauna. Prior to that Wild Gods had a social outing that included some spouses and kids as well. That was pretty awesome and I look forward to doing something like that again.
This coming weekend? Well, this weekend I'm not going to SMF for the first time in over a decade, and that feels very weird. Friday morning I'm going hiking. Alone. This used to be my post-festival reconnection activity. Now it's my this is the journey I'm on now activity. (To be clear, I'm going alone by choice. Mr. Darcy would cheerfully join me but I need to be by myself in the woods for a bit.)
Saturday some of us who left are getting together just to hang out. I was worried that this would feel like wallowing, but it doesn't. Instead it feels like preserving social connections that we don't want to lose even though we don't have this event to rally around anymore. (Actually, the projects Mr. P and I are working on appear to be the nearest next candidate for that sort of thing. Gulp. How do I keep ending up in charge of things, again?)
I think what I'm seeking now is balance between my own practice and engagement with the world, which includes the community I live in. I'm still getting used to thinking this way, but it feels both like the right thing to do and also healthier than what I was doing before. That makes me happy.
I think I'm also seeking to make peace between the gratitude I have to the ATC for bringing me my priest and best friend, not to mention a number of other friendships that I value tremendously and much learning from people I deeply respect, and my resentment over having given as much as I did to an organization that seems, based admittedly on second-hand knowledge, to be veering from dysfunctional to toxic. It makes me worried for friends I have who are still involved with it—but they're adults and presumably still see some value in it.
After all, I did.
(I can't help but point out that this wasn't the first mass exodus, though it's the largest that I know of. One of the things that made me start to question my own involvement was how all the people I respected the most kept leaving, usually in states of great frustration. No volunteer-run organization that sheds people like that can sustain itself or remain healthy.)
I'll be over this by next week. Meanwhile, I'm going to do what I usually do in times like these, and find satisfaction in work, some of which is Work.
Peace out.
Packet number: 3
Annotation number: 5
Annotation status: outline
Reading number: -
Reading status: -
Story: hot mess
Story status: revision
Words: 632
It's a strange week. Last weekend Orebasia and Green Star Grove had a joint Dionysus ritual, which went really well. My former HPS and I co-ran it and that was really fun. The ritual was fun too, though it was so cold that my core temperature dropped while we were outside (but I can attest that Snuggies make excellent ritual robes in a pinch). Fortunately, the Grovestead features a sauna. Mmm, sauna. Prior to that Wild Gods had a social outing that included some spouses and kids as well. That was pretty awesome and I look forward to doing something like that again.
This coming weekend? Well, this weekend I'm not going to SMF for the first time in over a decade, and that feels very weird. Friday morning I'm going hiking. Alone. This used to be my post-festival reconnection activity. Now it's my this is the journey I'm on now activity. (To be clear, I'm going alone by choice. Mr. Darcy would cheerfully join me but I need to be by myself in the woods for a bit.)
Saturday some of us who left are getting together just to hang out. I was worried that this would feel like wallowing, but it doesn't. Instead it feels like preserving social connections that we don't want to lose even though we don't have this event to rally around anymore. (Actually, the projects Mr. P and I are working on appear to be the nearest next candidate for that sort of thing. Gulp. How do I keep ending up in charge of things, again?)
I think what I'm seeking now is balance between my own practice and engagement with the world, which includes the community I live in. I'm still getting used to thinking this way, but it feels both like the right thing to do and also healthier than what I was doing before. That makes me happy.
I think I'm also seeking to make peace between the gratitude I have to the ATC for bringing me my priest and best friend, not to mention a number of other friendships that I value tremendously and much learning from people I deeply respect, and my resentment over having given as much as I did to an organization that seems, based admittedly on second-hand knowledge, to be veering from dysfunctional to toxic. It makes me worried for friends I have who are still involved with it—but they're adults and presumably still see some value in it.
After all, I did.
(I can't help but point out that this wasn't the first mass exodus, though it's the largest that I know of. One of the things that made me start to question my own involvement was how all the people I respected the most kept leaving, usually in states of great frustration. No volunteer-run organization that sheds people like that can sustain itself or remain healthy.)
I'll be over this by next week. Meanwhile, I'm going to do what I usually do in times like these, and find satisfaction in work, some of which is Work.
Peace out.
